Growing up, I never had any healthy boundaries.

Especially growing up in an Asian household and society where rigid structure and filial piety were the norms, I never had any say about what I really wanted.

I acknowledge that parents were ill-informed or clueless, as they parent how they were parented. I didn’t learn to set boundaries because I had to bend to others’ wishes. Yet without boundaries, I wasn’t myself.

The lack of boundaries stems from the seemingly little things too such as going to dinners that you don’t want to go to, being told to hug grown-ups and not being asked if you wanted to hug them, and being shamed for having emotions (“stop crying!”), the list goes on. When these patterns start when we’re young, we subconsciously learn that it’s not ok to say no, or that others’ needs come before our own. This is detrimental because it manifests as people-pleasing when we show up in our current relationships - with our family, our friends, and work. We don’t have a sense of self when we don’t have boundaries.

Boundaries give us clarity in understanding what is or isn’t acceptable or appropriate behaviour. This includes physical, emotional, or psychological boundaries. Boundaries help us to define what feels comfortable and safe and tell others how we want to be treated.

Here are 3 Reasons Why Boundaries Are Important for Overcoming Burnout and Being Your Confident Self:

Stop People Pleasing

Burnout happens when you are stuck in a cycle of long-term stress and exhaustion. A lot of this can be attributed to putting others’ needs above your own. When you set limits on what you’ll tolerate, you’re able to advocate for yourself instead of sacrificing your needs and wants. You’re then able to bring your agency back into your own hands as you realise you have a choice to let others know what works for you and what doesn’t.

2. Protect Your Energy & Prioritise YOur Self Care

Boundaries help to protect your energy because you’re able to create space for yourself. There are people who overstep - knowingly or unknowingly, and see no problem walking into your space without your consent. Especially in Human Design, we talk a lot about conditioning which is when others come into contact with you within a span of 6 feet. When you communicate your needs and expectations clearly, others also have more clarity in how they interact with you. For example, there are people who don’t feel the need to knock before entering a room. Yet this can lead to overwhelm and unexpected conditioning that can feel chaotic.

3. Building Confidence in who you are:

Confidence comes from certainty. So when you are certain of your limits and how you want to be treated, you’ll be able to trust yourself even deeper. The more you practice communicating your boundaries, the more certainty you’ll have, which ultimately builds more resilience and confidence! When you communicate your emotions more clearly, it allows you to feel free and light. Don’t hide or dismiss your feelings. You’ll be able to be more transparent and authentic with the people you respect and love.

Take back your agency, sense of self and courage! Build those boundaries, you got this. When you’re able to establish clear expectations and limits, this lead to healthier and more fulfilling relationships and interactions with others and most importantly, yourself!