6 Signs You’re Healing
Tis the season for healing henny
“heal from the lies you’ve told yourself and the ones that have been told to you”
- Maya Angelou
What is Healing?
We often talk about healing but it can feel so abstract sometimes. The dictionary definition of Healing actually is the process of making or becoming sound or healthy again. I truly believe that we all have the capability to heal, and to release the old patterns or ways of being that bring us dis-ease. It’s our right to be whole, sound and well. I wholeheartedly believe this because I’ve experienced the benefits of healing, and this includes all emotional, physical and mental healing. I know that I am a healer because I was able to heal myself. It feels really bold to make this statement, but I look back at my experiences and it’s the ultimate truth.
While sometimes we think of a healer as a messiah-like figure who dips people in the water and makes them whole again after they come out, for me healing has been a process and a way of life. For me, the crucial part of my healing is knowing when I need to really pay attention to what is going on internally, having the awareness and acknowledgement that I’m in a space where I don’t want to be anymore, knowing how and where to seek help, and committing to being open to the process of evolving past what used to weigh me down. This includes both external and internal help, namely cognitive behavioural talk therapy and devotion to my spiritual practices and tools such as meditation, mindset shifts, sound healing and redefining the person I know I want to be and am meant to be. This is how I evolved past the clinical depression I was diagnosed with. The more I own who I am and open myself up to the healing process, the more I am stepping into my purpose and feel so aligned.
In my Chinese culture, there’s a common saying， “人之初 ， 性本善” This phrase is from the classic traditional text the Three Character Classic “三字經”. And the meaning of the phrase is “at the beginning of our lives, our characters are innately virtuous/ good/ whole/sincere.” Whether this is indicative of humans as a collective whole or individuals, it is anchored in the belief that we are all born whole and virtuous. Based on this, I believe that we are all born whole, and healing is a process in which we continue to come back and remember our wholeness. I don’t believe in compartmentalising someone as good or bad, but rather we are all virtuous and regardless of our mistakes, patterns that don’t serve us, behaviours that have hurt others and ourselves, judgements we’ve made, we all have the capacity to forgive, redeem and return to our wholeness.
Ultimately, healing is the process of devoting yourself to deep self-love, self-knowing and fulfilment.
Here are the 6 signs to know that you are healing:
1. You don’t cast your emotions aside, and you really feel them:
Especially being Asian makes it easy to cast aside my feelings because this is such a societal norm. Especially being Chinese, there’s a known consensus of “saving face.” However, I realised the more I try to bury these emotions, they resurface one way or another. Like dirt lodged in your pores, yet one day resurfaces as a pus-filled pimple. (Visceral I know, but I hope this analogy did its job) Instead of using force to pop it, I believe it tending to the pimple and treating it with care. The same goes for our emotions.
2. Learning about your boundaries and implementing them:
Because I grew up in a household where boundaries were not enforced properly, and I grew up not feeling safe to state what I wanted and what my limits were, I never felt that I had the right to assert my boundaries. But when I started reading the work of therapist & boundaries specialist Nedra Glover Tawwab, I was able to crystalize the idea that when I set boundaries, I’m able to find authentic and true peace. Boundaries give you more freedom and confidence. It enables you to own who you are, and know how you want to show up in the world. There’s a misconception that boundaries make relationships fraught, however, it actually builds deep intimacy and understanding. This doesn’t only apply to relationships with others, but most importantly with yourself.
3. You shift your mindset from fixed to growth:
When you shift from a fixed to a growth mindset, you’re able to distance your worth from failure. You’re able to see these experiences as learning opportunities, instead of allowing failure to define or label you. Since we were young, we’re often told that we either have the innate talent to achieve something or not. (looking back at all those parents who would compare their kids to others, and say “Oh he’s so talented at swimming! wow, she is a born mathematician) This is indicative of the fixed mindset. For example, we say someone is so good at singing or math, and we believe they are just born with it. But actually, if we apply the growth mindset, we can open ourselves up to the possibility that our capacity for healing and growing is dynamic and can be learned.
4. You seek help when you need it
Instead of believing that you can carry the weight on your shoulders, you know that when you reach out for help you are resourceful. I used to carry everything inwards and not admit to anyone what I was struggling with because I was scared of being judged or misunderstood. But the reality is many of us are struggling with similar or the same things, and when we keep shovelling it away it only builds up to something catastrophic. When we reach out, we know that we are all on this same journey of life and develop resilience in this process of knowing ourselves. We build community, intimacy and understanding.
5. You invest in yourself
Being able to invest in yourself is a sign of knowing your worth. It’s a sign you’re healing because you’ve evolved from the person who didn’t know their worth and didn’t see value in spending resources on themselves. I grew up with a mother who was mostly self-deprecating and didn’t see the benefit of treating herself to valuable and rejuvenating experiences. I write this not to blame, but to acknowledge that this was the pattern that I saw growing up. While I completely understand the struggles she had to go through and how much her life was spent in survival mode, I realised I don’t need to align with that mindset anymore. There were times before I felt guilty for signing up for retreats, massages or yoga classes because they seemed not integral to my needs, but I realised I was actually spending money on material things that brought short-term happiness. However, when I started to learn more about myself, invest in my skills, and invest in receiving coaching, that’s when I really started to transform. What I learned about myself through uncovering my birth chart, astrology and human design readings, and spiritual courses have paved the path to who I am today.
6. You protect your energy
I knew when I was healing that I started to not be so affected by FOMO (fear of missing out). When I learned my Human Design type and learned that I actually am like a sponge and absorb a lot of other people’s energies, it became clear to me that I needed to release what’s not mine. My Human Design Mentor Fiona Wong says, “What’s yours is yours, What’s theirs is theirs.” This means instead of running around trying to fit in and do what everyone else is doing, I started asking myself is this actually what I wanted to do, does it align with my values, and does it serve my energy to be doing this. By learning my energy type and how to manage it, I’m able to let go and find peace within. It is truly life-changing and I couldn’t be more thankful for learning my design and energy type.
Thank you so much for reading. And as always, I appreciate you for being here.