You’re not alone!

I’ve been having a lot of reflection lately on how intense my upbringing had been. Even as a 5 year old, I was working hard to get into the right primary (elementary) school. I had to learn what was the best thing to say, especially as I applied to my Catholic centric school, they’d ask: “What do you do on Sundays?”

There was only one correct answer: “I go to church”

Even as a 5-year-old, there was already pressure to get things right. And this continued well into my adolescence. Always striving, always setting targets on the “next” goal, the “next” thing.

And this isn’t to say that goals aren’t healthy, but rather life can feel like a never-ending uphill climb when we push ourselves nonstop.

Until we crash and burn that is.

And now as we step into our 20s & 30s, we start to learn the language for this phenomenon: burnout.

During my phase of healing burnout, I’ve realized that time for healing demands stillness. It demands introspection. And I’d say this is a period of time where being or feeling lost is crucial.

Yes, I am a coach and I love what I do, yet there are parts of the business that I haven’t encountered before and feel stumped by. The marketing, the organizing, the funnels, etc, etc. It has and can feel very overwhelming, and leads me to feeling lost sometimes.

And because I’ve always felt attached to my achievements, this confusing period of my life of not laid out climbing ladders feels very otherworldly.

Especially when I see other peers achieve incredible things and I can’t help but say I feel behind. In our current society (hello if you’re reading this from the future or outer space), it’s the norm to hang onto certainty or a clear sense of purpose.

In other words, feeling lost can feel extremely disheartening.

If we’re not in touch with ourselves, it can be really easy to start to compare ourselves with others who seem to have it all figured out (emphasis on the word seem). However, the reality is that life is a complex ebb and flow of experiences. Not everyone's journey will be linear or predetermined. And truly, if we knew every single step of the way, would life even be fun or dare I say worth living anymore??

Yet what I’m learning now is more valuable than ever because I’m understanding what it means to be who I truly am without being attached to an institution or a rigid system. I’m learning to become my own best friend and tend to my own needs when others’ shoulders are unavailable for me to cry on.

I’m learning how to be with discomfort and say, ‘yea discomfort is actually ok”, because I’m choosing to have the courage to be uncomfortable. Like Brene Brown echoes, to choose courage over comfort.

When in times of fear and feeling lost, I refer to what a wise Wizard with a white beard and grey pointy hat once said,

“All those who wander are not lost”

At times, we may find ourselves feeling lost, uncertain about where we’re heading, and unclear on the direction. Yet we have to remember that feeling lost doesn’t mean we’re truly lost.

Wandering can be transformative and enlightening - it’s like stumbling across charming cobblestone alleyways that aren’t featured on Google Maps, and possibly finding the best gelato ever. Venturing into the unknown allows us to explore different paths, discover new passions, and gives us space to know ourselves on a deeper level.

I love what Kamsy Anyachebelu said, which is: “There’s no Forbes 30 under 30 for inner work.”

This resonates to my core because this is a lot of what being lost can feel like. You’re doing things that aren’t externally recognized, however, it’s the stuff that matters the most. Feeling lost isn’t being lost, it’s just a feeling of not conforming to what everyone else is doing and feeling outside of the picket lines.

The truth is: When we embrace the unknown and step outside our comfort zones, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities and opportunities for personal growth. Life is a continuous process of growth and change. Embrace the wandering.

How do we navigate feeling lost in your 20s?

ACCEPTING where you are: And remembering change is the only constant. While you might feel lost now, you won’t be lost forever. Where you are now is actually a beautiful state in which you’re given space for self-discovery. Embrace uncertainty and trust that the path will unfold magic.
Cultivate self-compassion: Be kind to yourself during this period of exploration. Accept that feeling lost is a natural part of the human experience, and treat yourself with patience, understanding, and self-care.
Explore new avenues: I realised a huge part of feeling lost is realising that what once was, no longer is. And that’s ok! And now in this space, you can begin anew. Being again. Try new things. You can try new things and create a new identity because it’s ever-evolving. When you’re exposed to new experiences, the chances of stumbling upon something that resonates deeply with you are multiplied!
Love yourself outside of your accolades: This is probably the hardest to do, but we have to because when we go to our grades, we can’t take our rewards with us. What matters in the end is how we felt we lived our life. Did we really know who we are and stand up for what matters? If anything, feeling lost is a time to get clarity on who you are.

It’s funny that we read the poem The Road Less Travelled at school, a place where our paths every year are very much predicted and planned out every year.

Yet it’s all becoming so clear to me now that learning that poem was paving the foundational bricks for me. Learning Robert Frost’s words then has made a huge impact on me now:

“I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.”

TLDR:

This is the DETOUR era and I’m living for it. (Also because I’m living in it) + also you’re not alone. I’m here for you.